So drunk, too bad you don't want this
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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