I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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