guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
