i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
