I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
