Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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