Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
