dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
