Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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