she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
