My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
