My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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