Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
