also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
