Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
