his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I could fuck to npr.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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