He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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