whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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