I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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