After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
