apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
