Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
