I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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