we made out on top of his cat.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
