she was so not down for the gang bang
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
