I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
