people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Say something about gay babies.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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