So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
