I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize