I wish I could teleport
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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