I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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