Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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