Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
