coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
