Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
