I wish my penis had an off switch
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
