I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
