Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize