two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
