now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
