'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
