it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
