Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i black out too much to be "responsible"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
