I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
