So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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