Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
