Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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