She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
