Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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