i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize