dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
