You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
this hospital has no fireball
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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