maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
