At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
