I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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