Your tits are I can't wait for
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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