Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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