Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
