im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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