I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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