i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
