Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
