What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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