take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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