hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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