those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
