so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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