In the future we'll all be gay
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
