just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
